The article utilised purposive voluntary sampling. In the case of purposive sampling, the choice of the mothers was made based on their knowledge of and experience of the phenomenon. They also represented the characteristics or attributes needed for the study (cf. Babbie & Mouton 2001:166–167; De Vos 2005:202). This group of mothers was selected, because they were involved in the community through prominent roles and thus showed leadership. Furthermore, the group was chosen carefully according to certain criteria (cf. Janse van Rensburg 2009:8; Neuman 2003:210; cf. also Freeks 2017:2). The following inclusion criteria were used for the mothers (Strydom 2005:206; cf. also Freeks 2017:2):

As was explained previously, the population for the research consisted of a group of mothers¹ – in this case, five – who belong to a nuclear family. These participants were respectively 40, 42, 53, 54 and 55 years old. They showed specific characteristics such as faith in God, respect and love for their fellow humans, self-confidence, dedication and measurements of interest (cf. Babbie & Mouton 2001:175; Burns & Grove 2005:355; Struwig & Stead 2001:118). Mothers were recruited from the Promosa and Ikageng areas in Potchefstroom. The demographic layout of the Tlokwe municipal area is as follows: black people traditionally living in Ikageng, people of mixed race in Promosa, and white people within the greater Potchefstroom area.

The researcher identified the mothers in their community. These candidates were contacted by telephone to arrange an appointment for individual, in-depth interviews. Aspects such as confidentiality, privacy, risks, withdrawal and even possible termination of participation were discussed (Botma et al. 2010:13–14, 17, 22–24). The physical setting where the in-depth interviews were conducted was at the participants’ homes or at a venue of their choice. The settings were private, pleasant and comfortable with little or no distraction (Pinkoane 2005:293; cf. also Freeks 2017:3).

Only four open-ended questions were formulated to ensure similar exploration of the participants’ responses (Botma et al. 2010:134–135). The questions for the interviews were formulated clear, appropriate and understandable.

An audio-tape recording was used to ensure the information was captured well. The voice recorder was placed where it did not cause distractions during the interview. The goal of this research was to understand the mothers; thus, rapport was established during the interviews by a cordial and open atmosphere where participants did not feel threatened or uneasy (cf. Botma et al. 2010:208; Fontana & Frey 2000:655). Communication techniques such as paraphrasing, reflecting, summarising, probing and clarifying were employed, and minimal verbal responses were sought (De Vos et al. 2001:289–290). After the interview concluded, the participants were asked whether they had anything to add besides the posed interview questions. Most of them added meaningful and relevant information (cf. Freeks 2017:3).

The following questions to the participants formed part of the inclusive criteria:

After each interview, field notes were taken that describe the ‘what?’, ‘where?’, ‘who?’ or ‘how?’ of the interview. This included written accounts of what the researcher felt, heard, saw, thought and experienced during the interview and were used for verification (Botma et al. 2010:217–219). These field notes were ordered into personal, observational and methodological notes (cf. also Freeks 2017:3).

The participants indicated that the absent father is a disadvantage in households. They expressed their feelings as follows: ‘If there is no father figure it has a negative influence on the children’; ‘The absent father is a disadvantage’.

These findings are supported by Palkovitz (2007:195), Williams (2008:18), and Freeks and Lotter (2009:520–521). They point out that absent fathers cause tremendous pain and suffering in homes. Thus, society is placed in a dilemma due to the absence of fathers in the lives of children. Steytler (2007:36) concurs and indicates that the absent father has an undeniable effect on sons by, for example, causing a poor self-image. Fathers’ absence has a direct influence on the social functioning of sons when these fathers are unemployed and uninvolved in the lives of their own children (Steytler 2007:37–38). Furthermore, sons experience identification problems and daughters are under severe pressure because of absent fathers (cf. Seutter & Rovers 2004:43–45). The absent father does not only cause problems in a home or community – the entire nation could be adversely affected by father absence (cf. Freeks 2004:2–3).

For the participants it was important that fathers should be present in the lives of their family. They emphasised that fathers introduced certainty and knowledge in the home, and would ensure that household processes run smoothly. The participants elaborated: ‘The father must be present in the home’; ‘Most of the things in the house should be done by the father’; ‘When he is there, we could pull some strength from him’.

These responses above are in accordance with findings from Steytler (2007:55–56). He indicates that fathers should be present in the lives of their children who must be directed, empowered and their best qualities brought forward (cf. also Williams 2008:18). Freeks and Lotter (2009:530) also stress that fathers should be present so that families can be restored and function stably in society. In this way, children can experience the love, intimate bond, protection and clear direction in life which make them effective and productive in their own lives (cf. Williams 2008:18). Barker (2008:5) points out that the present and involved father plays a major role in the development of the children. Such a father role is meaningful and significant for the growth and character-forming of the child (cf. Olsen 2007:174–177).

The participants also emphasised that fathers should take more responsibility for their family. This is evident from responses such as: ‘Fathers should interact more with their children because interaction is very important in the household’; ‘Fathers need to have expectations with regard to his family’.

These findings find support in Coakley (2006:154). He states that the father should interact more with his children to promote their success. Wall (2007:59) explains that fathers should have certain expectations for their children and plans for their future. Thus, responsible fathering provides in the needs of the children and accomplishes success (cf. Freeks 2004:58).

The participants emphasised that the father should be more involved as husband in the home environment. This need was expressed as follows: ‘A dad should be more involved, especially with boys positively, and not destructively but in a joyous but strict manner’.

This finding is in accordance with that from Krampe and Newton (2006:159–161). They indicate that such involvement shows a father presence, leading to happy families which reflect the love of the father as his overall involvement. Warren (2005:53) and Pleck (2007:196) point out that father involvement forms part of his responsibility and commitment towards the family; thus, children benefit through such interaction.

The participants also mentioned that the impact of the father as a teacher introduces a natural authority into the home environment. This perspective was verbalised as follows: ‘The father as teacher prevent[s] disrespect in the home’; ‘He needs to teach how to handle issues’.

In this regard, McGraw (2004:10) points out that parents (fathers or mothers) are the first teachers who train their children in positive ways which are necessary to become effective individuals in life. In the same vein, Heenan (2004:3) views parents (fathers or mothers) as the first and most important educators of values (cf. also Freeks 2007:81). When fathers teach their children, they also discipline them (cf. Munroe 2008:123).

The participants emphasised that their husbands should be role models within their community. However, they also mentioned that fathers are afraid to fulfil that role due to the added responsibility. The following excerpts from responses elaborate on this matter: ‘Our husbands are principals of schools’; ‘They are great role models to the teachers and children’; ‘He applauded, encouraged, and motivated them in their studies’; ‘Fathers are rather standing backwards because they are afraid of failure of being a role model in the household’; ‘The world and the media represent the role of the father as distorted’.

In literature, these findings find support from Blackthorn (2004:5). He explains that children are looking up to people to whom they can relate and try to emulate. He adds that children look up to parents as an example of how to behave. Freeks (2004:102) concurs and views the father as ideal role model for the children who learn from his behaviour and attitude. According to Steytler (2007:54), the father is the natural role model and children seek someone with whom they can relate and identify.

Regarding education, Ellis, Cogan and Howey (1991:120) view this as one of the most important activities in which human beings engage. According to them, education is one of the major strategies through which people attempt to change or improve their societies. Thus, education produces growth, development, self-reliance, maturity and moral freedom. These tenets realise in the physical, psychological, social and religious dimensions of the living world (Abdool 2005:44; Rens 2005:29). In this regard, Coakley (2006:154) raises the issue that fathers who do not advocate the interests of their family actively can be considered as failing to meet the standards for good parenting. He stresses that fathers should be committed and responsible within the home environment.

It was important for the participants that every child has a father figure, especially the young boys and girls. They emphasised that the presence of the father is crucial and children should understand the importance and indispensability of such a figure. The participants explained as follows: ‘Children need their fathers for social support’; ‘Boys want to be like their fathers’; ‘Boys want to follow in their fathers’ footsteps’; ‘The father should be there to show how to handle tragedies in life’; ‘Children should not be raised independently, they need the love of the father’.

These findings find support from various researchers. Williams (2008:1–3), for example, asserts that there is globally a need for good fathers. He adds that fatherhood will continue to have a lifetime impact in children’s lives and should be revered and approached with a sincere passion. Thus, if parents provide mentoring, families will experience fewer problems with emotional baggage. Steytler (2007:55) recapitulates: children need a father who can fulfil their lives.

Barker (2008:5) emphasises the indispensability of the father according to which fatherhood and being a sound provider is one of the most important aspects. Thus, the presence of a father in the family is imperative. A father’s mere presence implies a physical availability within the family set-up. Wall (2007:54) and Coakley (2006:154) view the father’s presence as being active in the home environment. Olsen (2007:175–176) points out that when the father is not at home, children call out with a non-verbal voice: ‘Daddy, come home!’ Williams (2008:18) puts the concept of a father’s indispensability into perspective. In this regard, a father has a desired quality, namely the ability to instil traits in the lives of children, helping them develop into productive and successful adults.

The participants felt strongly during the interviews that not only mothers should discuss matters of sexuality with their children; fathers should also. The father should especially translate the matter to young boys, as certain aspects relate closer to fathers than to mothers. The participants expressed their feelings and views as follows: ‘The father needs to talk about the sexuality aspect with his son’; ‘They need to know how to treat girls’; ‘Boys are not supposed to sleep with girls until they made a commitment so that no children are born out of wedlock’.

These findings are in line with those of Bergh (2002:83). He points out that the father must communicate sexuality due to his paramount role in the sexual identity of the child.

The importance of God within the family set-up was deemed crucial for the participants. They asserted that God is the first priority within a family. This is attested to by the following excerpts: ‘God is priority and comes first in everything’; ‘Families are important in the eyes of God’; ‘Fathers should know that God comes first in everything because families with a strong religious background result from the position of the father figure’.

Dickie et al. (2006:58–59) view closeness to God when children perceive him as ‘Father God’. Bergh (2002:110) emphasises that parents should teach their children about God’s truths as well as lead and direct them to discover their own faith in God. Munroe (2008:25–31) elaborates and explains that God is important in the lives of a family, because the Fatherhood of God is the original image of earthly fatherhood, from which it derives its true meaning. Thus, the identity of families is established in Christ. Therefore, families should realise that God takes priority and is important within the family environment.

According to certain participants, the father has a godly role within the family. Thus, fathers should practise their way of living based on a biblical perspective and apply it practically within in the family environment. The participants verbalised this dimension as follows: ‘It is important for children to see the godly role of the father’; ‘Fathers should first have love for God and then they will have love for their family’; ‘He [the father] should teach his children how to communicate with God’; ‘He should demonstrate that children should rely and depend on God when they experience a crisis’.

These findings resonate with those of Scalise (2010:56). According to him, the father should demonstrate a godly character as a follower of Christ; thus, presenting certain attributes such as humility, gentleness and patience towards his wife and children. Furthermore, the father should cultivate a passion for the love of God and should implement Bible studies, house altar, cell church and prayer meetings at home with his family. Bergh (2002:176) points out that the church is responsible to equip, guide, serve and support fathers helping them to grow spiritually for their godly role within the family.

The participants mentioned that politics are introduced into the family environment. This creates severe challenges for fathers, especially when having to deal with the rights of children. The participants explained: ‘Freedom is granted to children who misused and misunderstood it’; ‘Rights go with responsibilities, especially in the context of the home’; ‘Women are now playing a bigger role, especially in politics’.

The findings above are in line with those from Steytler (2007:33). He points out that men are no longer necessarily acting as breadwinners within the family, seeing that the role of women has changed drastically on corporate levels. Female roles are emphasised and more attention is paid to women and children. The progress of women in the corporate world and the decline of men in higher management positions also reflects as a change in the family system.

Taken to the extreme, certain feminists believe that men can be considered a luxury in the family. This opinion has not yet appeared in recent references (cf. Erickson 1996:39). One of the negative consequences is that fatherhood moved to the background with the focus and emphasis more on the career world, whereas it was supposed to be on the family.

Certain participants felt that the Government is dictating values to families. As a result, certain important aspects of family life are taken away from households. They explained their views: ‘Families have to adhere to Government’; ‘Families should not allow Government to dictate certain things because it is not Government’s function to dictate how to treat somebody else’; ‘The function belongs to the home and church’.

In literature, these findings find support from Carl and De Klerk (2001:21). They point out that the government began a value education process in schools. However, the values on which the focus fell were nation building, democracy and human rights, aiming to overcome inequalities and injustice of the previous apartheid dispensation. These values are, thus, based more on governmental matters and not on families.

Bergh (2002:171) points out that the Government is concerned with the moral condition of the country as a whole. He reminded of the previous and late president, Nelson Mandela, who described South Africa morally as a sick society. According to Bergh, the church should join hands and negotiate with the Government on local, provincial and national level to highlight the existing contradictions with a view to balance them.

The participants felt that men have lost their way and currently are unsure due to the effect of feminism. Some of them stated: ‘Our men lost their way’; ‘Men are feeling inferior towards women because women are earning more salary than their husbands’; ‘Some men lost their certainty in the family’; ‘Men lost their knowledge about their role as father’.

These findings link to those of Bergh (2002:84). He indicates that confusion reigns more in the modern milieu of family life, especially within the area of the husband’s role in marriage. He adds that men find it difficult and are unsure of their role and therefore they negate their role as father. Freeks (2004:55, 95–98) concurs and emphasises that the community accepts the role of the father as an authoritarian position and worthy according to the biblical testimony on this theme.